What Doesn't Kill You
by littleangelinlove
Summary: Seth was going to choose Summer... he really was... a little au, but does follow general story line, SS story


Title: What Doesn't Kill You  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: SS with a little RM. Seth was going to choose Summer... he really was...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing... crawls up and cries  
  
Notes: I realize that if any of you happen to be GG fans and have read any of my stories, then you probably thought that I dropped off the face of the Earth. And, I do apologize for that... honest! But, I have been busy with other things. I've been becoming more, and more, obsessed with the greatness that is The O.C. and Adam Brody. (ohhh the cuteness...). But, after I've written some of this, I promise you that I will go back and update at least 2 or 3 of my previous stories. Have no fear, Chad Michael Murray is still number one hottie on my priority list, promise!   
  
Chapter One: Only Makes You Want to Die  
  
Sitting on the end of her bed, the dark-haired girl was clutching the phone to her ear, not believing what she was hearing.   
  
"Over? How can it be over? It never even started!" The young girl screamed, tears filling her eyes.   
  
Summer couldn't figure out which was worst... the fact that Seth Cohen was breaking up with her or the fact that she cared that he was.   
  
On the other end of the phone, Seth Cohen was trying to stay calm long enough to get this over with, because if he didn't do it now, he never would.  
  
"Summer, this won't work. You didn't even start noticing me until Anna got here. You didn't even know my name. Now, some girl from Pittsburgh comes along, and you get jealous that I'm not just there, like I always had been, so you begin to notice me. And I loved it Summer... because I love you, but I can't keep doing this... Setting myself up to get hurt over, and over again... we need a break." Seth said, going into full rambling mode and saying all of that in one breath.   
  
A sob escaped from Summer's pursed lips and she silently cursed herself for showing a weakness to Seth... the only boy that had ever made her cry. The minute she realized this, she replied to Seth in a heart-wrenching way...  
  
"All the boys I've been with, I was with because they couldn't make me cry... but you know... They couldn't make me laugh the way you could either. That's what changed Seth. It wasn't Anna coming to Orange County and throwing herself all over you, it was because I realized that the random hook ups every night wasn't enough. I didn't want someone who wouldn't make me cry... I wanted someone to make me smile..."   
  
And with that, Summer through the phone across the room and watched it shatter against the wall... and small smile formed on her lips... She always loved breaking things.   
  
The minute Seth heard the loud boom and the dial tone, he sighed. He had never felt worse in his entire life. The girl he had pined after for years was finally pining back, and he couldn't enjoy it...   
  
Turning his head towards the table next to his room, he groaned. Smiling back at him was Summer Roberts, along with himself, Marissa Cooper, Summer's best friend and Ryan Atwood, Seth's best friend/brother and Marissa's boyfriend. It was taken a couple of weeks before, when Summer and Seth were "dating".   
  
Covering his head with the pillow he was previously lying on, Seth did something he hadn't done since he was 9. He screamed.   
  
Since it was during Christmas Break that Seth and Summer had decided to call it quits, Seth hadn't seen Summer in 8 days. The next time he saw her was at Holly's New Year's Eve party. All of Orange County's residential teenagers from Harbor High that were accepted by the socialites had been there... including Marissa Cooper and Summer Roberts.   
  
Seth and Ryan walked in at 10:15, when the party was going strong. There were at least 100 people there, half of them that neither of the two boys had ever seen. The minute Seth was through the door, he spotted her.   
  
Summer was standing with Marissa near the island table where the alcohol was. Surprisingly enough though, neither of the girls were drinking. They both had bottled water in their hands and were laughing at something the other had said.  
  
Summer was wearing a jean mini skirt and a tight white sweater, her dark hair left down, cascading down her back. In Seth's opinion, Summer had never looked more beautiful. His heart tightened at the thought.   
  
It seemed as if Summer could feel someone's eyes on her, because she shifted his gaze from Marissa and somehow landed on him. Their eyes connected for a few moments and Seth swore he could see Summer's heart shattering before him. His did, too.   
  
"Seth... dude, you okay?" Ryan asked, breaking eye contact with Marissa to notice that Seth had stopped moving in the middle of the room as if in a trance.  
  
Turning his head towards Ryan, Seth felt like he had to go out. "Yeah man, I'm fine. I'm going to go outside for a bit, tell Marissa I said hi." Seth said quickly, making a mad dash for the back patio to escape.   
  
  
  
"Hey Summer." Ryan said, after he greeted Marissa with his lips.   
  
"Where'd your little puppy dog friend go? God, does that loser have to crash every party that you attend?" Summer said, venom dripping from her voice. Since the last confrontation with Seth, Summer returned to her old ways, her bitching ways.   
  
Ryan cocked an eyebrow questioningly at Marissa and turned back to Summer. "Is that new terminology I'm not aware of, for "Where did Seth go?!"" Ryan asked. Marissa laughed, Summer glared.  
  
"Ew! Whatev, Chino. I don't even care where he is." Summer said, fake disgust in her voice. With that, she stormed off and headed in the same direction Seth had, unintentionally though, of course.   
  
"She's totally going after him, you know that, right?" Marissa said to Ryan.  
  
Nodding his head, Ryan smiled. "She better. Seth's been miserable all week..." Ryan said, backing Marissa against the wall that had somehow managed to get behind them.  
  
"Summer has been, too. This is only the second party she's been to all break..." Marissa started, but had been cut off by Ryan's mouth on hers.   
  
  
  
  
  
Seth found himself sitting in the sand, watching the waves. He had his knees bent and his arms behind him, leaning back slightly. Looking at the sky, a star winked at him.   
  
He had to laugh out loud at the irony of the situation... if someone would have told him months ago, that Summer Roberts was depressed because of him, he would have laughed... but now, now he knew the concept was not just a joke, but very much true. He, Seth Cohen, had to be the only boy in Orange County that possessed the power at one time to break down the walls of Summer Roberts and break her heart into tiny pieces... The situation no longer made him laugh... It now made him cry.   
  
  
  
Summer looked up at the sky the same time Seth did, and made a wish. She wished her heart would stop hurting and the pain would go away... She always remembered that phrase what doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. In fact, for awhile, she had lived by that phrase. But, after her falling out with Seth, she discovered the true meaning to another phrase she had learned when she was very little... what doesn't kill you, only makes you want to die...  
  
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the situation at hand. Months ago, the thought of Seth Cohen and her made her skin crawl. At the time, she thought it was disgust. But she later came to realize she was blind. She had loved Seth Cohen just as long as he had loved her... Only she was too afraid to actually admit it.   
  
Some of what Seth had said, was true. She did get jealous when Pittsburgh came along and started getting as much of Seth's attention as Summer had once received. But, she had always known his name... everyone in Orange County had known who Seth Cohen was. The only grandson of Caleb Nichol...   
  
Summer had always found it fascinating that the richest kid in Orange County didn't have any friends. As a child, Summer thought it was because Seth thought he was too good for everyone else. She later realized it was because Seth saw through the facades, and he knew that there was more to money out there, he was just waiting to find someone who saw things like that, too... It's sad that it took him until he was 16 to find someone who actually connected with him... the kid from Chino that stole her best friend's heart and made her happier then that idiot Luke ever would, Ryan Atwood...  
  
Summer stopped walking when she realized she was suddenly very close to where Seth Cohen was, also. She looked at him in awe as she saw him lying in the sand, so still, just watching the waves in the distance.   
  
Slowly approaching him, she sat down next to him quietly.   
  
"Hey Cohen." Summer said quietly.   
  
So quietly, infact, if Seth wouldn't have been listening for something, waiting for it, almost, he would have mistaken it for the wind. Seth didn't even turn his head, but he did let a small smile form on his lips before he replied.  
  
"Hey stranger. How have you been?" He asked, deciding that had to be a safe question even for them.  
  
"Lonely." Summer said, not even thinking about it. Because that's how she had been, she had never felt lonelier. It wasn't because Seth somehow made her feel lonely... No, it was because Seth made her realize how lonely she had always been. Giving her something to confide in and then taking it away was cruel, even cruel for him.   
  
Seth sighed; he hadn't been expecting that kind of answer. He had been waiting to hear about all the random hook ups Summer had had, and all the parties she had intended in the past 8 days. He wasn't expecting Summer to tell the truth.   
  
"I'm sorry, Summer." Seth said, getting up from his spot on the ground and wiping the sand off of his pants. "I hope you know that I meant what I said, about loving you. I still do. I just... I just need time." Seth added, before walking away.  
  
He heard a sob escape from Summer's lips as he turned his back on her and his heart shattered once again. He hadn't known there were so many pieces and for the first time in his life, he wished he was the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz so he wouldn't have to feel the throbbing pain that the world's most beautiful girl was causing him...  
  
Only she wasn't causing him pain, he was. He was breaking her heart...and after that realization, he turned back to face her. Only he was face to face with her when he did... 'Did I even walk away?' Seth found himself wondering.   
  
"Summer, I..." But before Seth could finish his sentence, Summer had her lips pressed tightly against his.   
  
When Summer pulled away, she looked sad. "I don't want to be alone, anymore."   
  
Nodding his head, Seth pulled Summer's tiny body to his and hugged her tightly. "You don't have to be... I'm here." Seth said, and he could almost feel his heart mending, as well as Summer's.   
  
That moment Summer realized something else, it wasn't about the heartache anymore... It was going to be a new year, and she was going to enjoy it... with Seth.   
  
Looking up at the sky, the same star Summer had wished on, winked at Seth once again, and Seth knew this year was going to be something else. But he could handle it, as long as he had Summer, Ryan, and Marissa by his side. 


End file.
